ACT 1

SCENE 1

(Dutch is at the Mizuna bar, leg shaking with nervous energy. He’s humming Le Ballet, spotlight on the tumbler of scotch and its wavy reflection in his heavy glasses)

DUTCH

(finishing scotch)

Every morning, I go to the University to exercise. I lift weights, swim laps, run. In that order, every morning. 

JACQUELINE

(Sets new drink in front of him, squeezes his arm)

I can tell! You’re very strong! How do all those college kids react when they see you there?

DUTCH

I don’t even see them. It’s the music, Jacqueline. It takes me away. It’s like I’m still in college myself

(Leans in conspiratorially)

Yesterday, I was listening to Celine Dion. She’s my favorite. That track where she sings God Bless America? I had tears just running down my face, singing along with her. Openly crying in the gym and singing out loud.

JACQUELINE

(Empty tray in the air, laughing)

Celine Dion? That’s hilarious! I had no idea you were a fan. I can’t even imagine it. Dutch. You were singing God Bless America aloud at the DU gym?

DUTCH

Weeping like a baby, Jacqueline. Still crying in the car on my way home to Bev. 

(Little burst of confetti above Dutch’ head at the mention of Bev’s name)

I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I guess the Aberlour has me in a mood. Ah. Here’s Bev now!

(Dutch visibly brightens, looking at the door expectantly while rattling his ice in the air toward Jacqueline, who is just behind him but invisible under Bev’s light)

JACQUELINE

(Breaking third wall)

Just telling me his story made Dutch tear up all over again, and honestly, had me teary through the hearing of it. Look at how pretty Bev is, and would you look at this, too? My cheeks are all wet just sharing it this you

ACT 1

SCENE 2

(Lights fade and darken and we hear Bev’s laughter as she greets Dutch. The lights come back up with a little burst of confetti that coincides with Bev’s laughter. Dutch is younger, springier. His hair is less gray, glasses less heavy. He’s at the doorway near the host stand and this entire scene is a dance number to me, Dutch shuffling sideways to tend to Bev, tappings to open the door before the valet can beat him to it. Dutch slipping the valet a palm tip then dancing ahead to greet Bev, who makes an entrance in her grand height with her high hair that makes her impossibly taller. Bev in three inch heels, so taller still, slowly strolling so we can take her in, spotlights catching her at different angles so we can appreciate the full effect of her. Bev’s pink nails squeeze my arm in Hello. Bev shimmies her coat into Dutch’ hands –all part of the dance– and he passes it off to a server who grabs it in a flourish and spins away. Dutch and Bev tango to table 6, center stage, spotlight on the table. He dips her deeply and she giggles, then pulls out her chair, positioning himself so that Bev is his focal point and ours. We see that Dutch and Bev are fiercely loyal to the theater of starched aprons and bubbles. They air clap to flames, gasp at fresh pours, delight to dry ice smoke, cocktail shakers shaking, fish knives boning. Servers gather and spin away; food and glassware lands and dissipates, flatware sends off the occasional sparkle. Bev and Dutch seem to sparkle as well)

DUTCH

We want more lobster! I’ll shell it at the table myself, Jacqueline, and I promise not to make a mess this time. Oh! We’ll have foie gras, too. And caviar! You can bring it all at once.

BEV

Dutch! That’s just too much! 

(Laughing. To Me)

It’s too much, Jacqueline! We’ll never be able to drink all of this 

(Holding her wine glass in the air, signaling for more, while trays of food keep arriving, waiters leaving and clearing plates)

BEV

(To Dutch)

Dutch. It’s too much! 

(Laughing, tossing her head back)

Y’all are just too much

(The lights go dark, and come up to the dance repeating itself from the start, at the door with the valet, all the way to the tango dip at the table, but faster this time, the music faster, then dark again, and one more time faster still)

BEV

Y’all are too much (Voice only. Dark scene)

JACQUELINE

(Voice only) Six years pass

ACT 1

SCENE 3

(White backdrop. A screen. A series of notes projected, at first in handwriting, then progressing to typewritten notes in early computer font. Jacqueline’s voice reads aloud the ones so noted)

UPON THE SCREEN

8/20 His first name is Dutch. Not Charlie, not Chuck. Wife –Jenny.

JACQUELINE

9/19 Table 6 or 8, please, center of the room. She’s Bev, not Jenny. Bev

11/2 G likes oakier chards. Recommend new ones for Dutch to taste

JACQUELINE

2/14 Block an extra hour. C&G prefer not to be rushed on Valentine’s night. 

3/13 Remember to tell Bev about the Monkey People

3/23 Dutch has a new Lamborghini. Ask Patrick if he’ll consider detailing it while they dine

(The notes on the screen flip forward, like a stock video of a train station board, revealing notes in different inks and different handwritings, from hostesses and servers and chefs and me and then. The pages scroll instead of flip, and they are typed. Examples of some notes: Dutch would like to shell the lobster for Bev tableside himself. Remember the scotch! We are never out! If you think we’re out, check the hidden wine vault, there’s always a case back there And so forth.)

(Jacqueline, standing at the host podium with the glow of the reservation screen on her face, reading the following notes aloud as they continue to be projected onscreen)

JACQUELINE

-Offer Bev reading glasses

-Tried the foie gras. Prefers seared

-Bev wasn’t herself tonight. Dutch was distracted

-Have a cold towel on hand for Bev

-If Bev orders a steak, have Frank cut into bites before presenting

-Bev’s chardonnay goes out in a coffee mug, please, so she can hold it

-Dutch dined without Bev tonight

-Third time Dutch has dined alone

-It’s ok to send Bev’s food home on real plates. Dutch will return them next time he’s in

(While Jacqueline reads notes, more notes roll by on the screen, pages and pages and pages of the details of their theater with us. The spotlight moves from Jacqueline at the host podium to Dutch sitting at the bar, and the notes are being projected directly onto his face as he speaks)

DUTCH

The nurses are with her tonight, but Bev’ll be here with me tomorrow. It needs to be perfect Jacqueline (slamming tumbler to bar for emphasis). Do you understand this has to be perfect for her Jacqueline? She needs to be taken care of

JACQUELINE

I can certainly try. Would you like another scotch? How about I send you home with a little something special for Bev? Maybe chocolate?

DUTCH

(Ignoring Jacqueline, notes still scrolling across his face and reflected in his thick lenses) I want the door propped open. Bev won’t want you to make a fuss, so have everything ready. 

JACQUELINE

Of course Dutch

DUTCH

Put us over there, by the corner, near the bathroom just in case. Make sure there’s no chair at the table so that her wheelchair fits. And clear the path for us, ok? I want to be able to wheel her directly to the table. 

JACQUELINE

Absolutely Dutch

DUTCH

She can’t drink, but she won’t want you to know that, so go ahead and pour her some chardonnay or something and don’t ask her how it tastes. Leave it at the table when she doesn’t drink it. That light up there won’t work, either (motioning to the light above the corner booth). Get rid of the bulb. Can you put a candle on the table and light it once we’re situated? 

JACQUELINE

Of course Dutch. We’ll make this seamless for you

DUTCH

You would always do this for her, wouldn’t you Jacqueline? Even if Im not here to see to it? Tell me you will always make her comfortable.

JACQUELINE

Of course Dutch. We adore Bev. We adore you both.

(Dutch points to his glass, motioning for more scotch. The hatchet on his forehead smooths at the thought of delighting her, the images of notes still scrolling  until. The scrolling stops. The screen goes white except for the stutter of empty film like a broken 35mm clip in between old movie reels. A hole burns into the middle of the screen. Darkness)

ACT 1

SCENE 4

(Jacqueline’s at the host stand, older, the reservation screen refracting light from her glasses. The front door is propped open)

JACQUELINE

(Talking directly to you) Dutch called Frank and I in those final weeks with increasing intensity. He wanted to make sure Bev was taken care of, and it’s so cliche to say that with all of the signs, we still didn’t see it coming, but we didn’t. Frank and I cried together in the car in front of the church, drinking the last of Dutch’ scotch right out of the bottle. We still have a half case in the basement, and

Oh, I think that’s their car now

(A slow tango playing as Bev walks in the front door, in all her height, girlfriend at her side)

SERVER/DANCER

We are so sorry for your loss Bev (kissing her cheek). How could this happen?

JACQUELINE

We had no idea. Bev I’m so sorry. We’re all so sorry. 

FRANK

God, Bev, what a loss. Do you think he’s singing Celine Dion right now, just to torture everyone in Heaven?

BEV

(Small giggle, small burst of confetti stage right)

JACQUELINE

Can we kill a lobster for you tonight?

BEV

You know, I never much cared for lobster. Dutch was so tickled to slice it up for me, though, I had to play along. He was something, wasn’t he Jacqueline?

JACQUELINE

He was, Bev. He really was. I have a half case of Aberlour in the basement to send home with you tonight

BEV

Oh I don’t care much for scotch. You share it with the boys in the kitchen. Dutch would have liked that

JACQUELINE

You know he pinched my butt with a lobster claw once, and it dangled there on my rear end for the rest of service until Patrick pulled it off my skirt as I was heading out the door

BEV

(Throws her head back this time, laughing in earnest) Jacqueline! You are just too much

(Great explosion of confetti covers the stage and the curtains drop)

BUT THE SHOW GOES ON